So it is done. I am committed; my future will be determined by a random being from another world. I am bound to wait decades before I know my fate, constrained in my ability to affect the outcome. It was exhilarating, building up to the Essenscape, but despite my confidence in my decision, it was daunting and almost terrifying when the time came to commit. Cortina, as I must now call her since the Essenscape was put in place, is now my ethereal sister. Together, we will stride forward, though I, the transcendent being, am the impotent one.

When I eventually connected with Cortina and had access to her thoughts and emotions, the person I encountered was not what I expected. Cortina was clearly beautiful and graceful, blessed with a radiance that could brighten a room or lift a soul. Yet her world, while by no means dark, was also clouded and distorted. I immediately discerned that her soul and self-identity were in conflict, not because of any incompatible difference and certainly not due to ego causing disturbance.

My world flows and weaves in tune with the pulse of nature, and I find myself using nature’s gifts as analogies for what I see and feel. With humans, I tend to liken their inner beings to mammals. Today, I am met with a dormouse, an otter, and an elephant, all within the same person. Two is common, but to witness three distinct natures interwoven within a single person is unprecedented for me, and I am initially overwhelmed.

Cortina’s inner being is a harmony of three distinct rhythms: the dormouse, quiet and introspective, gentle and unassuming, finding safety in retreating to hidden corners.
In contrast, her otter energy radiates a spark of vitality that draws others in with warmth and enthusiasm. However, the otter’s pursuit of playful adventure is stifled, though not fully subdued. Cortina is also grounded, wise, and emotionally mature. She nurtures, remembers, senses need, and guides with compassion. She embodies all the hallmarks of an elephant, including its extraordinary intuition.

The first letters of these analogical beings of her rhythms spell “doe,” a creature embodying her grace and intuition, attuned to subtle energies and the beat of life. The doe represents quiet courage and the ability to sense and respond with elegance to the world around her. It weaves together the emotional depth of the elephant, the joy of the otter, and the stillness of the dormouse. The doe is not merely another rhythm; it is the symphony of Cortina’s life essence.

Yet the confident, charismatic, and even gregarious person everyone knew, or at least thought they knew, was in fact in a state of instability and turmoil. I cannot access her memories, but I can share what I uncovered by accessing her emotions. Emotions, you see, are unerringly honest; they cannot be hidden, disguised, or faked. They spoke to me plainly, resonating with truths I could infer with some certainty. And so, by this method, I will set the stage as best I can for who she felt she was and what she believed she had become.

Cortina’s childhood was conventional and as unremarkable as that of any other in her generation, except for one aspect that proved highly influential. This single aspect became the foundation of the conditioning that shaped her development and influenced the nature of her interpersonal relationships and social bonds during her early adult years.

Her mother scored low on the scale of maternal instinct. She ruled the home, leaving her children under no illusions that their presence in the world was not entirely welcomed and that having them was her greatest mistake. Before her children came along, she had been part of a local dance troupe and dreamt of fame and the trappings of luxury she imagined would accompany it.

She took great pride in her possessions but cared little for much else. Her children were not allowed to have friends over to play, meals were limited to options that wouldn’t dirty her oven, and while they had what they needed, money that might have been spent on holidays and treats was instead funnelled into the glorification of her house. Of course, it wasn’t much of a home. For the rest of her life, her mother’s conversations revolved mainly around possessions—hers and others’—and whether they were gained or lost, deserved or not.

Cortina’s father was a quiet man, a foreman at a local factory who mostly worked night shifts. He was devoted to his wife and remained so throughout his life—something we, as observers, might find unusual given his subservient position in their relationship. Cortina was close to her father and loved him dearly, but her mother forced a more complex relationship onto her and her siblings.

The conditioning Cortina experienced was not malicious in any way. It wasn’t overtly intentional but rather benign. Her mother saw in Cortina an opportunity to live the life she had been deprived of and pushed her into ballroom dancing, then into beauty competitions and finally into modelling and she did this with great drive and determination. Her mother kept a scrap book of every press clipping, copies of every magazine Cortina was featured in and every letter from modelling agencies, even if they were polite rejections.

Cortina was an enthusiastic participant in her mother’s ambitions and remained proud of her achievements, staying sanguine about the experiences that accompanied them. As a Carnival Queen, she was always chaperoned, which kept her safe but did not shield her entirely from the attentions of predatory men, including one who was a national celebrity.

Her modelling career, however, was far less of a safe haven. When the offers became more dubious and the work shifted towards glamour modelling rather than the glamour of commercial or fashion modelling, she gave it all up.

The constrained world of her family unit, the domineering influence of her mother, the excitement of pursuing her ambitions, the public recognition, and the all-round glorification all combined to condition Cortina. The beauty pageant and modelling worlds, based on looks, creating a certain image, and following precise direction, were further conditioning that suppressed the real Cortina. The unscrupulous people supporting and controlling one part of the modelling world that she experienced further conditioned how Cortina viewed normal behaviour—both of herself and of men.

It is no wonder that Cortina became a young adult with an inner being of mixed rhythms. Fortunately, her inherent nature protected her ‘conditioned’ self from more damaging outcomes, allowing the intriguing, harmonious person we know to develop.

As time progressed, her heightened sense of duty lessened, her nurtured compliance dissipated, and true awareness and freedom grew. Her unified essence matured and eventually reached its own natural equilibrium, significantly different from where it had started as a young adult. Little wonder, then, that the Cortina I found was well on the way to realising she needed to move away from the world she currently occupied—and, more importantly, that she could change her world.

Cortina loved her children and loved caring for them, but she no longer loved her husband, the life they lived, or the roles and duties expected of her by everyone close to her. The only exceptions being, in her view, her father and father-in-law. Eventually, Cortina broke away from this life, largely created for her, and created a new life for herself and her two young children.

A new life, but not an easy one. When we rejoin her, Cortina is very successfully managing a bar and restaurant that also has four bed and breakfast rooms, despite having no previous experience. It is exhausting work with unrelenting hours. A typical day started with preparing breakfast for any guests, getting the children ready, and driving them about eight miles to school before returning to prepare for the lunchtime opening. She served until closing at around 3 p.m., then picked up the children, brought them home, fed them, and sorted out homework and other needs. The bar reopened at 5:30 p.m., and the restaurant at 7 p.m., when she would return to work.

In addition, Cortina handled staffing, wages, invoices, and every other management or administrative task.

She had also acquired a new partner who helped where he could. It was a relationship based on convenience as much as anything else. He was a nice enough chap, and being in a relationship reduced the number of times men would “hit on her.” I think that is the term you use. This happened even less frequently when she started wearing an engagement ring. At one New Year’s Eve staff party, he simply announced their engagement. Cortina was not asked, but it was easier to just go along with it at the time and she never quite got around to getting out of it.

After all, her hard life was her life, based on her choices, one where she was in full control of the decisions she made. There was much she was thankful for, and so she was contented, or so she thought.